For me, 2018 has been a year of finding the internal strength to press forward. It was a year of trials, new beginnings, and stepping outside of the comfort zone.
The year started out with so much hope. I began my website, Ashtangaash.com. My path was becoming clear as to how I was going to leave a corporate world and follow what my heart wanted. I started teaching yoga, working at a spiritual center, and my Instagram following started sky rocketing! In May, I felt on top of the world!
Quickly, the Cards Changed
I’m not going to be one to talk about my personal life on the web, but I lost myself. I was so confused in life and honestly, I didn’t know where to go. Life didn’t seem like ‘life’ anymore. I needed change, change to make it feel better. I came to visit my Mom in Logan, Utah the first week of August, I was broken and emotionally not okay. When I returned to Vegas, I had a plan to move. It felt right, and life just happened the way it was supposed to so that I wouldn’t have much in my home town left.
Planting Seeds to a New Beginning
So, I sold everything I owned other than what would fit in a small Uhaul, and I moved to Salt Lake City. Everything seemed right. Life suddenly had a light at the end of the tunnel, and I was slowly getting to the end of it. One success brought on another. I felt at home for the first time in a long time. Myself slowly started to make a comeback with a move that I hadn’t even planned. I was scared, miserable, emotional. Everything happened the way it was supposed to, when it was supposed to.
Hitting the Ground Running
As I look back, I can’t believe I didn’t see it coming. I felt lied to, betrayed, and broken. Running was all I could do to make myself feel okay. The act of running felt cowardly, but so right. I knew I was running away from what seemed like problems, but I had to, I wanted to! When I got to Utah, I felt a lot of weight that I didn’t even know existed, lifted. The healing that needed to happen was readily available without me even trying. My weaknesses turned to my strengths. The life I was waiting for in Vegas, was right here, in front of me, and I was living it with ease.
I fell in love with my life even though I was still broken. A road that was paved years ago when I started understanding myself and god, was able to be walked on. Every trait that I worked on was being utilized, and I was comfortable. All I saw was light, happiness, and love!
Healing is Powerful
The corporate world that I wanted to leave was maximized and suddenly I found a work/life balance. I loved the job that I was doing every day. Life felt better than it ever had. I was in control, finances were great, and I was following my heart for me, and only me! For once, I felt enough. Sometimes we have to find healing through life experience. I had to have my entire world turned upside down for me to stand on my own two feet, alone, for me to go after MY dreams! We aren’t given what we are asking for, we are given what we need. Sometimes that need is a breakdown to help the person find serenity and peace.
Peace and unconditional love for the self is the best feeling in the world. Will this feeling last forever? No. But for the time being, I am owning it and enjoying every minute of it. Always trust the process!